We live in a day and age where an increasingly high number of people may start getting on our nerves. Therefore, it takes more and more time to avoid said people/make our feelings known to them/just tell them to… Leave us alone. Wouldn’t it be better if people just avoided you upon simply laying eyes on you? Luckily there’s a simple fix to that: Resting Bitch Face, RBF in short.
And while not all of us are lucky enough to benefit from such an advanced defense mechanism, we’ve found there are 3 easy steps to achieving at least a moderate amount of it so that your day may be carried out without pesky outside interference.
Step 1: Skip your morning coffee Nothing like that sweet cup o’ Joe to get you rise-and-shining and greeting the morning with a big smile on your face, right? Not if you’re following our 3-step program, bub! This is the easiest, fastest, and most sure-fire way of engaging the most basic stages of RBF syndrome. Do this and you’ll be well on your way to an obnoxious, angry, fed-up, and grisly-looking person in no time!
Step 2: Think about all the people who have pissed you off last week Remember Jack from accounting? How ‘bout Janine in operations, remember when they did that thing with the stuff that you were counting on but couldn’t see through because of them? Yeah, that was a shitty thing to happen on a Monday, wasn’t it? And that was just the beginning, wasn’t it? Wasn’t it?!
Step 3: Think about all the people who might piss you off by the end of the month It’s only the 10th and you’ve had 2 nervous breakdowns, a panic attack, someone almost ran you over in a parking lot, almost smashed into you in traffic when it was your right of way, and on top of all that there’s global warming, flat-earthers, and the ever-present online snowflake brigade you keep running into every day... And if you haven’t had all of those happen yet, there’s still plenty of time to tick them off by the time the 1st comes back around. There we go! Isn’t life sucky?
Well, there you have it, we hope we’ve helped you in developing a sturdy, stern, sullen, sickening visage for people to recoil in absolute disgust at and keep away from you on a daily basis. You’re welcome! Dammit, we’re helping you here, why are you making that fa… ooooh! Mischief managed!