Happy New Year, Crappy New Shows

Well, I’d hoped to start the year off with a short rant, but what I hadn’t realised was just how much material I’d have to work with. What I also didn’t realise was the fact that my New Year’s hangover/fatigue would last over a week and I wouldn’t actually be able to do anything about it until much later than I’d initially have wanted to.

But here I am now, ready to tackle yet another bloody mess, in bite-sized chunks this time around, so we can chew through more of the good stuff on a more constant basis in 2019. And we’re seriously off to the races with the Arrowverse… Click through the image below (massive cringe warning), watch the clip, and come back to read a couple thoughts on it because hoo-wee, is it a shitshow. Apologies to any remaining Arrowverse Supergirl/Crossover fans, I just can’t in good faith recommend this to anyone with a pulse, so making fun of it is all I have left in my charred, dejected heart. I hope you’ll find it in you to forgive the shitlordery on display.

When did this all turn so curdled-milkingly bad?
When did the universe that was kickstarted by arguably the best superhero show DC has produced yet (and whose first season could very well give Daredevil a run for best superhero series season available today) fall into shitty, Sunday-SyFy-grade CGI, half-hearted set pieces, and midnight-telenovela-rerun levels of acting?

Admittedly, I’ve been away from things for a good, long while as I stopped giving a flying, red-underwear-wearing alien about it all around the time the first Supergirl season ended. I gave it a shot, I really did. But it didn’t use to suck quite this bad… It was blowing in low power mode, like an annoying buzzing your car makes but you forget about it pretty much as soon as you think you hear it since the engine still sounds great, and you don’t feel like anything else is awry.
Now this whole thing’s hoovering the very mantle off the damned Earth!

There used to be method to the cheesy madness, there was sass to the one-liners instead of phoning it in, there was the tormented drawl of Manu Bennett, and we got ridiculous set pieces and premises that were grounded by amazing acting and conveyed some stellar emotions and stakes. We had lightning in a TV screen, and it was gorgeous.

Probably not as gorgeous as John Barrowman, though.

But somewhere between a while ago and now, not only did Supergirl massively tank (shocking, I know!), but Legends turned sour as well, Flash gave in entirely to its twisted tween drama side and forgot to even give its CGI running sequences a once-over before hitting “render”, and this whole Elseworlds thing was just… Ugh.

Some people say we need to stop fixating on politics and diversity quotas, and perceived slights against the fanbase, and just enjoy things for what they are. And I’m not even going into the damn things (which are arguably used as a crutch to carry this crummy collection of cheap decisions season by season), but how can anyone enjoy this?
Ok, I’m sorry, I’ll rephrase: how can anyone over the age of reason enjoy this? I get watching this with your kids. At least, I get some of it.
Then I remember both the Batman and Justice League animated series are a thing and I realise I’d still watch those any day of the week and I’m wondering why I’d subject myself to this, when I could instill some sense of the good superhero cheese in my spawn in the process.

These are the musings of a yet childless, but happily married weirdo, so I’ll update if this is still my train of thought once my first little devil hits.
As it stands, I wouldn’t inflict this kind of show upon any of my loved ones.

As a DC fanboy, though definitely not one that knows every facet of every character, I am sincerely disappointed this is how they’ve chosen to carry it all forward, and extremely sorry anybody might have been subjected to it against their will on a movie night where nobody could agree on what to watch and Riley McRando went “hey, what about that DC event, I hear it’s got great ratings?”.
Yeah, great ratings compared to the rest of the stuff which is dwindling so close to abysmal, if Fox ran these everything would be canceled twice over.

Aquaman was great. It built upon the promise of Wonder Woman, and proved that DC can make some damn good cinema. Whatever course they’re going down in the series side of things is on a fast track to the absolute opposite of that.

And I’m gonna be here to meme the living daylights out of it.

Thanks for reading, and have as nice a day as you deserve!

About the author:

Costin thinks he knows a lot. And he does, but he’s also an asshole about it so don’t indulge him. A Focus-sedan-driving family man/corporate drone, he games way more than he should considering he also has this writing gig to deal with. When tasked with a bio piece, he chuckled and said “I better get a lot of room for this cause boy, do I have a lot to talk abo-”