Fart Wars




It seems like we’re getting a lot of Star Wars content to comment on lately. Which is one of the few things I get to thank Disney for aside from Rogue One, I guess, especially since the Solo trailer left me shaking my head at the lead casting, but I digress...
A while ago I started looking more into book and comicbook Disney Wars canon. Love it or hate it, it’s the hand we’ve been dealt and we’d better find a way to enjoy at least some parts of it since the mouse ain’t letting this one go anytime soon.

That said, the Vader comic run, for example, was/is good if not great, this going from to the first hardback volume as well as the Vader Down event and the current run, which were my first forays into this medium. It’s probably my second favourite written Star Wars Disney content with Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn origin novel being pretty much head and shoulders above anything else I managed to nab so far.
The Leia novel by Claudia Gray also manages to capture a different side of the Star Wars mythos, one that’s more subdued and removed from the regular space-faring conflict, and definitely angled for young adults, but one that gives us an amazing insight into Leia’s formative years and her becoming heir to the crown of Alderaan.
Even Maul’s recent comic exploits served to better showcase a character that was nothing but eye-candy back in Episode I, but that has evolved into a fan-favourite in the meantime.
Sure, there are less desirable aspects of all the aforementioned entries, like the Larroca art over most of the first half of Vader, some outlandish feats for minor characters in that run, or the garish presence of Amilyn Holdo in the Leia novel, but things are generally solid for the aforementioned pieces as far as I’m concerned.

And then there’s this… thing...
In short, it’s a kids novel written by Ben Acker and Ben Blacker... Which immediately puts me on the back foot in the “don’t make any dumb jokes” department. The issue here, just like with Forces of Destiny is simple: Disney have made low-quality and plain dumb content canon. What do I mean by plain dumb?

Well what about Snap Wexley and Kare Kun’s wedding that was officiated by Poe Dameron on D’Qar? Complete with wiki info and everything.
If you’ve read through the above link, you may think “Hey! Something stinks about this whole thing…”. And you’d be right. This isn’t your regular rank and foul SW fiction entry.
Poop jokes, everybody! Possibly the biggest and most recognisable gripe everyone had back in Episode I is back with a vengeance! And in style, ruining two innocent people’s wedding day of all things… How, you ask?

Well, they all had some pudding beforehand, Poe lets one rip, then the grooms follow suit, and pretty soon there’s a cacophony of wheets, blurps and frrrrs everywhere. But don’t take my word for it, feast your eyes on this excerpt...



Yes, that’s as real as you or me. People who like Snap or Kare, and even Poe “Flyboy” Dameron himself will forever have to contend with the fact that they officially had a fart orgy at a wedding ceremony. Ain’t that some wholesome crap that all the family can relate to?

Listen, there’s kids stories, and then there’s making a fart-fest canon.
This is the kind of content fart jokes should be a part of. I.e. dumb, cheap comedies that elicit no emotional response or drive the user to any meaningful thought processes. But leave it to Disney to build up a canon in which Rashomon-like flashbacks and this wedding sequence both make just as much sense and merit a presence.

I have nothing against kid-friendly content, but I do think if your child is at the age when they can read this and they still find it legitimately funny, let alone well-written, you need to reassess the situation and do something about it before they hit fifth grade and start getting picked on (and rightly so) for the “pull my finger” joke.
Leia takes the trials and tribulations of a teen, distills them to an essence that even older readers can relate to, and manages to blend both light-hearted and silly humour and still make it seamless and appropriate. So it can be done.



Put it out there, Disney! Hell, go full on crazy and mash things up in ways unheard of (much like Star Wars: Destiny does), just don’t assume that doing something like this and calling it canon with a straight face will make the people flinging feces at you online feel guilty for doing so. This is objectively bad quality when it comes to your current body of work, and you must know it.
This franchise is slowly starting to be treated as a run of the mill, light on sense, high on bells and whistles IP, with nary an afterthought spent on things like movie plots making sense or quality humour making it into said movies (more on that in our upcoming TLJ rant-view…). But in spite of that, it still sells like space hotcakes because it’s running on the coattails of 40 years of content, granted one that’s similarly hit-miss but decidedly less pandering to the lowest common denominator (Xmas special and the Ewok movie notwithstanding…).

There’s a reason why things like headcanon, the Expanded Universe or #notmystarwars are seeing a rise in support, especially after The Last Jedi dropped: Disney can rarely go through with a legitimately good move without immediately shooting themselves in their collective creative throat via choices made by an army of retarded ferrets on LSD - and don’t give me the tired “Lucasfilm does SW, not Disney” line, there are plenty of instances of Disney butting in on the creative side of things and deciding to part ways with directors multiple times so far, so let’s leave it at “definitely, not maybe”.
They’re 1 for 3 on movies in my book, with R1 being the only Disney Wars flick I’ll ever grace with a rewatch or even consider throwing money at. Let’s see what Solo brings, but it’s a shaky start so far. I’m not telling them WHAT to do here, I’m just saying it could easily be done much better, more so in the context of this wonderful universe...

Remember our Not Everything Should be for Everyone mantra?
Well, I may be twisting it a bit here, but maybe not everything should be stamped as canon if it’s an insult to intelligence and rational thought and an argument can be made for it legitimately dumbing its audience down by existing.
Just my 2 credits...